What to expect and how to prepare…
Firstly, if you’re reading this it is likely that you have recently lost someone you care about and so I want to send you my deepest condolences for your loss.
As if losing someone isn’t bad enough, you now must organise a major life event in a matter of weeks! To that end an independent celebrant, in collaboration with your chosen funeral director can help you navigate these unchartered waters.
Here is what to expect from the meeting and what you can do in advance to make the meeting as productive as possible.
How will I get in touch?
If you’ve found me through a friend/family member or via an internet search etc please feel free to pick up the phone or drop me an email. Alternatively, your Funeral Director can contact me and in turn I will call you to arrange a convenient time to meet.
How much time will it take?
I would always suggest you set aside two hours for the meetings. This will give you plenty of time to confirm the logistics (dates, times, venue etc), discuss the options for the ceremony and, the most important bit, tell me all about your loved one and share some of your special memories.
Where do we meet?
Wherever you feel comfortable. Normally I would come to you, meeting at your home at a time that is convenient for everyone involved. Alternatively, we can meet at the Funeral Directors or another neutral space. Finally, Zoom is always an option.
Who should be there?
You can meet with me on your own or with any friends or family members you want to attend. There is no limit on the numbers but do consider that the meeting may take longer if you happen to be a chatty family!
What do you need to prepare for a funeral meeting?
Ok, so you don’t have to prepare anything! Please don’t worry if you haven’t got any music choices yet or found the perfect reading. We don’t need a full in-depth biography of the deceased and I don’t need to know the exact date they moved house or got married.
What you do need is to be ready to share your memories, your stories, those special things that made your loved one who they were. How did they make you feel? What made them laugh?
Of course, if you happen to have a particular poem or piece of music you know they wanted or know you want to hear at the ceremony then make a note of it ready for the meeting, but I can always help you find those perfect pieces based on what you tell me.
What will we talk about in the meeting?
So we ease in to things gently and get the admin sorted first! It’s important I have all the correct contact details and ceremony details (dates, times etc) first. The last thing we want is for me to turn up for your loved one’s funeral on the wrong day.
I will then talk you through how I work, so you know what to expect from me. We’ll work out the deadlines for the draft script and any order of service and I make sure I have all the important pieces of information about your loved one (date of birth, death, full name, nicknames, pronouns, formal titles etc).
We will then talk through any thoughts and ideas you already have for the ceremony. Any pieces of music or readings, any specific people you want to speak and who you want to do the Eulogy. Again, please don’t worry if you don’t know what you want. I can give you suggestions and guide you through the different options you have and will make sure nothing is forgotten.
Finally, and trust me, this is the good bit, we talk about your loved one. I will normally sketch out a family tree to give me an idea of the key ‘players’ in your loved one’s story and then open things up to share all your happy memories.
I should probably have added in the ‘what do I need to prepare’ section – have the tissues to hand, things can get emotional, but that’s ok. Grief is our only way of processing all the love we have for someone who is no longer with us and as my Mum always taught me, ‘better out than in’ and you always feel better after a good cry!
What next?
My aim after the meeting, is that you feel at ease. You will know how the ceremony is going to go, who will be speaking, what poems or readings, what music will be played etc.
During the meeting I will arrange the date for when I will send you the first draft of the ceremony script and when I will need your feedback by so that we can have the final script ready in plenty of time for the ceremony.
If you have any questions, ideas or stories after the meeting that you want to include, please don’t hesitate to get in touch, that’s what I’m here for.
I will then work on your bespoke ceremony and send it to you via email for review.
I’m so sorry I will be meeting you under such sad circumstances, but I look forward to working with you to create a ceremony that reflects all the best parts of your loved ones life – a celebration of someone you loved and a fitting farewell.